It Creeps Up on You

Jul 19, 2011 by Lisa

One thing I’ve realized about this process is that it will never be truly over. Sure, I’ll reach my goal weight and move on, but it’s not like then I can slack off and not pay attention. Over the weekend, I realized how easy it is to fall back into old habits. During Katie’s visit, I didn’t work out and I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. By the end of the weekend, I didn’t feel that great from all the lousy food, but now I was in a cycle and kept craving more and more.

I still didn’t work out on Monday, and by Tuesday I still wasn’t feeling it. Just did not want to. The monster was trying to claw his way out, and he wanted food in great quantities. I felt the familiar panic/tension well up in my chest.

The struggle in my head went something like this:

Time to work out.

I don’t want to work out.

You haven’t worked out for four days. It’s time.

I don’t feel like it. I want Funyons, Chinese food, and ice cream sandwiches. I want to lay on the couch and watch TV.

That’s what got you into this mess.

I don’t care. The wedding is only a few weeks away. I’ve done ok. Why work out when the event is so close? What difference does it make?

The wedding is SIX WEEKS away, which could be another 12 pounds. That’s a big difference.

OK, well, just give me until tomorrow. Just one more day. I’ll do it tomorrow.

No putting it off. Today.

No. 

OK, fine. Try on the bridesmaid dress, look in the mirror, and tell me you don’t need to work out.

Um. I don’t want to.

If you try on that dress and can say you look the best you can, that you tried as hard as you could, and left nothing behind, then you don’t have to work out today.

(Silence).

That’s what I thought. So it’s time to put on the workout clothes and get busy.

And I did. It was hard but I pushed through, and finished the Insanity Cardio Plyo something something, grudgingly but determined. Why? Because I can’t go back. Giving up now is not an option, because I REFUSE TO GO BACK. I don’t want to feel tired all the time, and sluggish, and angry at myself. I don’t want to cry in dressing rooms because nothing looks good on me or to be embarrassed going to some occasion because I’m wearing frumpy clothing. I don’t want to be sweating under layers of oversized T-shirts and baggy crop pants in the middle of summer because I have to hide my body. I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE.

Compared to how I felt for all those years, an hour of working out didn’t seem so horrible in comparison. And you know what? At the end I felt a whole lot better.

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My Goth Girl

Jul 19, 2011 by Lisa

My 15-year old niece, Katie, came to spend the weekend with Paul and me. She’s completely into the goth world – chokers, black hair, black nails, fishnet gloves, etc. Although I admire and support her free spirit, I sure do miss my curly red-haired girl of years past.

Here are a few photos from a session she wanted to do in the cemetery. I still think she looks adorable.

 

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The Splotchy Side of Fitness

Jul 10, 2011 by Lisa

Here I am, post-Insanity workout. Aren’t I a looker? When I work out, I turn bright pink, splotchy, and soaking wet.

Both my Saturday and Sunday workouts were challenging. I don’t know what it is about the weekends – being off schedule by sleeping in, eating at different times, or, (ah-hem) the beer drinking of Friday night – but I always feel sluggish and have to battle through the DVDs. You’d think that weekends would be a great time to work a little harder and get “caught up” with exercise, but that’s just not the case with me. I have my best workouts on weekdays.

On the other hand, besides working out, I did lots of loads of laundry, weeded and watered the garden, and ran some errands. All of that burns up calories that I don’t throughout the week when I’m just sitting at my desk at work. So maybe it all evens out.

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Garage Night

Jul 8, 2011 by Lisa

Man I really need a beer tonight. Can you believe my temporary crown cracked again? It happened while I was eating FISH, so again there is no explanation. After another trip to the dentist, I now have a sturdy, built-up crown that doesn’t allow me to fully close my teeth. The dentist said this is what he wanted for durability, but it just may drive me crazy. How am I supposed to chew? I’ll give it the weekend and then re-evaluate on Monday.

Here’s what we’re drinking tonight (descriptions are from the linked websites). Luckily, I can’t crack a tooth on beer, so I should be fine. Maybe I’ll stay on this “liquid diet” until my permanent crown comes in.

Magic Hat Brewing Company’s #9 — Not Quite Pale Ale
A beer cloaked in secrecy. An ale whose mysterious and unusual palate will swirl across your tongue and ask more questions than it answers. A sort of dry, crisp, refreshing, not-quite pale ale. #9 is really impossible to describe because there’s never been anything else quite like it.

Saugatuck Brewing Company‘s ESB Amber
Inspired by classic British style pub ales, this is a delicious medium bodied ale, perfectly balancing 6 different malts as well as Goldings, Tettenang, and Williamette hops.

Atwater Brewery’s Vanilla Java Porter
Made with fine-roasted coffee beans and vanilla extract, this is one of the most admired beers Atwater offers. Unique and flavorful, with a chocolate malt finish, this beer is a perfect balance of complimentary ingredients.

Cheers, and happy weekend!

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Eyes of the World

Jul 8, 2011 by Lisa

I never made a grand announcement that I was going to lose weight. I have in the past, and then weeks later when it all fell apart, I felt like a failure. This time I simply started bringing my lunch to work, and coworkers couldn’t help but notice all the smaller portions and fresh fruit and veggies I was bringing. When my clothes started getting looser and it was obvious I was dropping weight, people began asking questions. How was I doing it? What “diet” am I trying? What foods did I ban? I think people would love to hear a secret potion, that magical combination that no one else has tried. The thing that finally WORKS. I wished I could tell them that I ate bacon and chocolate cake in the moonlight while sitting in a circle of daisy petals and chanting, and BAM, the weight just fell off. When I explained that I was “simply” eating better food, smaller portions, exercising my patootie off, and banning no food groups, people seemed disappointed.

As you all know, Friday is my “blow-it” day. I drink beer, I have more to eat for lunch, and may treat myself to something sweet. Today I bought my lunch in the cafeteria – battered fish, roasted potatoes, asparagus, and coleslaw, with a Rice Krispy Treat for dessert. Not an all-and-out binge by any means, but different food from what I’ve been eating. A plate of food most people eat every day.

As I put my tray down on the lunch table, I could feel everyone silently eyeballing my food. Finally someone said, “Wow, you’re WAY off the wagon today.” Now these are my friends, as well as my co-workers, and much of what they say is in good-natured teasing. However, I thought it was weird that they singled out my food above everyone else’s at the table, many who were also eating the Friday fish special. In the past it would have made me feel self-conscious, guilty, and gluttonous, but not today. I sat there, 40 lbs lighter, and felt no need to defend my food choices. I said, “Friday is my free day. You know this.” And dumped tartar sauce over my fish.

When I was further pressed as to if I really should be eating it, I thought you were on a diet, how can you lose weight and eat like that, blah, blah, blah, I finally kindly but firmly said “I worked out over 7 hours this week. I spend 45 minutes packing my lunch every night. If you’d like to join me in my next Insanity workout, I’ll show you how I can eat this and still lose weight.”

There were no takers.

What about you? Does it sometimes feel like people are waiting for you to slip up? Watching every bite you take? How do you deal with living under a microscope while you’re losing weight?

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the moment

Jun 1, 2011 by Lisa

So.

Picture it. Up north. Lovely spring evening, perfect temperature. Paul and I are alone at the farmhouse while the rest of the family are at church. The sun is slowly going down, scattering soft golden light across the land. A gentle breeze wafts through the blooming lilacs and the air smells sweet.

(Actual pictures I took that evening):

Paul decided to mow around the campfire pit in case we had a bonfire later that evening and then just kept mowing.

While he did that, I took photos of the lilacs and the farmhouse. I picked lily-of-the-valley and set them on the porch. The dogs napped.

Paul finished mowing while I was photographing the apple blossoms behind the house near the meadow. Everything was bathed in a rosy glow.

He said, “let’s go have a beer before the family gets back.” So we sat on the porch, Paul poured two beers, and suddenly I knew something was about to happen. It was absolutely the perfect moment.

Then.

We heard the jingle of his mom’s dog’s collar, followed by his 10 year old niece Stephanie clomping through the yard. “What are you guys doing? We’re home! Are you coming down? Why are you having beer already?” She dashed up the porch, pulled a chair right up, and collapsed in it, panting from her run. “Are we going to play games tonight? Can we play Apples to Apples? Did you bring Sequence? Oh! Can we have a bonfire? Did you bring marshmallows? Or we can make smores! Can we play campfire games? Can I hang out with you guys? I had two donuts and a hot chocolate after church! Can we eat potato chips now? Aunt Lisa, can I paint your toenails? Want me to teach you how to make a bracelet? Uncle Paul, can I drive the car back to Grandma’s?”

And just like that, the moment was ruined. Everything faded away like a giant wad of cat hair being sucked into a vacuum cleaner. The sun slunk down into the trees, the crickets came out, and a dim dampness enveloped the yard. We went down the road to his mom’s and played the Wii all evening. Later that night, Paul said, “you do know that that was THE MOMENT right?” and I said yes and felt kind of sad that it didn’t work out, thinking I’d have to wait months and months more for another perfect time.

On Memorial Day, we sat outside in the morning drinking coffee on the front porch like we always do. I was greasy, had big tangled hair, no makeup, and was wearing unflattering pajamas two sizes too big. We’re chatting about things, and suddenly we hear people coming down the road. It’s his sister in law Melanie, Stephanie, 20 month old Joe in a stroller, and his mom’s dog, all making a racket. A cloud of dust rose from the road as they walked.

“OH MY GOD,” Paul said, “we have to tell those people not to come down before noon!”

“They’re ALL coming now?” I asked.

“Yep,” he said, getting up and standing in front of the chair where I was sitting.

“Aw, man! Well, I should probably go in and put on a bra,” I told him.

He bent down and said, “maybe you could put this on instead.” And got out the ring. I was SO SURPRISED – never saw it coming at all. He put it on my finger, got down on one knee and said, “We didn’t get the perfect moment on Saturday, but we’ve had the perfect weekend. Will you marry me?” I started crying like a crazy person and could hardly answer. I managed to say “yes.” By the time he stood up again, Stephanie was running into the yard. “Morning! You’re up! How long have you been up? Did you take showers already? Can we go to the beach today? We should go for a walk! Can I cook you guys oatmeal? Paul, can I play Angry Birds on your phone? Aunt Lisa, can I braid your hair . . . “

Then Paul and I piled into the car to go down the road and tell his mom. We had all the windows rolled down, it was warm and sunny, and the lilacs were still in awesome bloom. As we sped down the road past the Christmas tree farm, the Beatles’ “Here Comes the Sun” came on the radio.

It was perfect after all.

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Beer Night – April 15

Apr 20, 2011 by Lisa

Everyone needs to have one “cheat” day out of the week. Mine is Friday.

Every Friday, Paul and I buy an array of Michigan beer and spend the evening sampling them. I look forward to this day all week and sometimes can’t bear the anticipation while sitting at my desk on a Friday afternoon. I feel like a kid getting out of school for Christmas vacation.

It was an especially good night, I must say, with a great variety and some instant new favorites. We had (with beer descriptions in quotes directly from each brewer’s website):

Sundog Amber from New Holland Brewing (Holland, MI): “Sundog is an amber ale as deep as the copper glow of a Lake Michigan sunset. Its biscuit malt gives Sundog a toasty character and a subtle malty sweetness. Sundog brings out the best in grilled foods, caramelized onions, nutty cheese, barbecue, or your favorite pizza.”

Huma-Lupa-Licious from Shorts Brewing Co. (Bellaire, MI): “This gem is honored with the name of the hop plant, Humulus lupulus, and is Short’s best selling India Pale Ale. It has such an abundant amount of hops that it sensually provides a punch to the palate. The numerous hop varieties used in its creation render a delicious bitter taste and enticing citrus aroma. The hearty malt bill melds with the hops to create a perfect balance.”

Hell Hath No Fury…Ale from Bell’s Brewery (Kalamazoo, MI): “Originally conceived along the lines of a Belgian Dubbel, Hell Hath No Fury… Ale morphed during development into something entirely different. Blending a pair of Belgian abbey-style yeasts into a recipe more akin to a roasty stout, Hell Hath No Fury… Ale offers up warm, roasted notes of coffee & dark chocolate together with the fruity & clove-like aromas.”

Best Brown Ale from Bell’s Brewery (Kalamazoo, MI): “A smooth, toasty brown ale, Best Brown Ale is a mainstay in our fall & winter lineup. With hints of caramel and cocoa, the malt body has the depth to stand up to cool weather, but does not come across as heavy. This balancing act is aided by the generous use of American hops.”

Dragon’s Milk from New Holland Brewing (Holland, MI): “A barrel-aged stout with roasty malt character intermingled with deep vanilla tones, all dancing in an oak bath. Pairings: red meat, smoked foods, balsamic, rich cheese & dark chocolate.”

 

The hit of the evening was definitely the Hell Hath No Fury. We loved this beer at the first sip.

Our next Friday beer night will be on the front porch of the farmhouse up north during Easter weekend. I can’t wait!

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